According to the Green Party leader, we need more migrants – because ‘I don’t particularly want to wipe someone’s bum’. Pardon?
Daily Telegraph 09/12/25
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Under the exciting leadership of Zack Polanski, the celebrated breast enlargement guru, the previously drab and dowdy Greens have started coming up with all manner of imaginative policies to transform Britain. It’s not easy to choose a favourite. But I can narrow it down to two. Because I love the fact that they simultaneously want to “abolish landlords” and “legalise all drugs”.
In other words: you’ll no longer be allowed to rent out your buy-to-let. But not to worry, because you’ll be able to make up your losses by dealing crack.
What a fascinating prospect. At present, many elderly people in this country supplement their state pensions through income from rental property. But under a Green government, presumably, we’ll instead see little old ladies on street corners chirping: “Excuse me, young man! No, no, I don’t need any help crossing the road, thank you. I just wanted to know whether you’d be interested in buying some crystal meth. Freshly home-made this morning!”
For all that the Greens have contributed to the gaiety of the nation this year, however, it would be a mistake to dismiss them as harmless eccentrics. Because beneath the eccentricity, I fear, lies something rather less amusing. For evidence, see the extraordinary statement by their leader the other night on the BBC’s Question Time.
Mr Polanski was loftily explaining why Britain still needs mass immigration. “One in five care workers are foreign nationals,” he said. “Now, I don’t know about you – but I don’t particularly want to wipe someone’s bum.”
What an unintentionally revealing comment. It’s not just a dismally reductive way to describe a care worker’s job. It also sounds fantastically snobbish. Mr Polanski is aghast at the thought of having to “wipe someone’s bum” for a living – yet mere migrants, by contrast, will eagerly leap at the chance! So let these lowly foreigners come and wipe the backsides of their Western superiors – along with any other menial, badly paid jobs that we consider beneath us!
Naturally Mr Polanski insists that he didn’t mean it like that. After Labour’s Wes Streeting accused him on social media of advocating “immigration as exploitation”, the Green leader claimed that the Health Secretary had “misrepresented” his views on migrant care workers – and added: “I’m really grateful to people who do this vital work wherever they’re from.”
Well, whatever he meant by his outburst about bottoms, let’s not pretend that everyone on the middle-class Left supports mass immigration solely out of tender-hearted altruism. On another edition of Question Time, broadcast the year after the Brexit referendum, a woman in the studio audience argued that Britain still needed lots of EU immigrants – because otherwise, “Who would be serving our coffee in Pret?”
Anyway, if we do get a Green government, I suspect immigration will end up higher than ever. After all, the nation’s little old ladies are bound to grow horribly tired and cold, selling smack on the streets all day. So they may well hire cheap migrants to do this dreary job for them.
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