Labour’s new favourite excuse: ‘We can’t do anything, we’re only the Government’

On the spy trial scandal and Jewish football fans ban, ministers shrugged and went all Basil Fawlty Daily Telegraph 20/10/25 link How long can a pair of ministers keep rising in the Commons to give the same answer: that they dislike a contentious situation as much as anyone but there is nothing they can do?

For Dan Jarvis, answering an urgent question on the non-prosecution of alleged spies for China, and Lisa Nandy, who had one on Jewish football fans being banned from Villa Park, the answer was about an hour each. The “don’t blame us, we’re only the Government” strategy was a good work-out for the Jarvis-Nandy knees but a touch of tetchiness crept in as they discovered that MPs wouldn’t take “I agree, it’s rubbish” for an answer. It was like Basil Fawlty receiving a complaint about Manuel’s service. “You only have to eat here, we have to live with it.” Jarvis wanted everyone to know how gutted he was that the trial of two men suspected of spying had collapsed. “Extremely disappointed,” the Home Office minister clarified. But don’t blame us, blame the director of public prosecutions (DPP). Jarvis insisted repeatedly that no pressure had been put on the DPP by ministers or advisers to drop the case. The Tories have sort of moved on from that. It had been reported that the Home Secretary, on hearing the case might collapse, had asked for the evidence to the DPP to be beefed up. Had she been ignored or over-ruled? Jarvis was eager not to handle that cactus, though he also didn’t want to confirm if she had acted or not. Instead, he cried foul on the Opposition for suggesting that ministers had intervened, then that they hadn’t, and now that they had but in the right way and it hadn’t worked. Three words of flannel – then laughter drowned him out Graham Stewart called his failure to give a straight answer “disgraceful”, pointing to the heavens as if to call down damnation on the minister. Jarvis ventured that the Tories should try humility on for size. It went down as well as you would expect. They wanted him to say that China was a threat to national security. This he seemed to do, while making it clear we would like their money so he couldn’t lay it on too thick. Greg Stafford gave him “a fifth chance” to answer a straight question. The first three words of the minister’s flannel were meant with such laughter that Jarvis was surprisingly allowed to flannel no further. Nandy had a similar problem. The Culture Secretary clearly thinks it is wrong that the Safety Advisory Group and West Midlands police won’t allow fans of Maccabi Tel Aviv to attend the match against Aston Villa next month, but like Jarvis could only repeat that she has no power over it. Yes, the Israeli team has a hooligan problem, she agreed, but doesn’t every club to some extent? Anyway, the decision had been taken because people from Birmingham might threaten the Maccabi fans, she said, not the other way round. The actions of a few in both cases were tarring the many. She faced a barrage from independent MPs for places like Gaza City West and Rafah North, who were quite happy to tar one side. Zarah Sultana said many Maccabi fans were “active soldiers who have taken part in Israel’s genocide” and should be arrested for war crimes as soon as they set foot in Britain. Iqbal Mohamed asked if the Israeli police who cancelled a football match in Tel Aviv on Sunday because of rioting were anti-Semites. Jeremy Corbyn seemed to think they were talking about Maccabi Haifa, a different club. Nandy argued that it was a bit anti-Semitic to think that everyone who supports a Jewish football club is a violent hooligan, but they weren’t listening so she gave up. She disagreed with this minority but there was nothing she could do about it: she’s only the minister.